focus on what matters
protecting your peace by tuning out
Some call it focus, concentration, single-mindedness, attention, or being preoccupied. Whatever word you choose, it simply means removing what gets in the way of what you truly need to do. It’s choosing clarity instead of guessing, solving instead of drowning.
My Approach to Focus
By the time I decide to focus, I would’ve already thought it through from every angle. The problem, the situation, the people, the empathy required, the boundaries to set, the resilience needed, and even the emotions beneath it. Once I understand something fully, I don’t let it hit me the same way again. That’s how I keep things simple. I stick to my narrative because I know I’ve done my homework.
From there, I focus on what I can do, and also on the times when I realise I can’t do anything at all. Sometimes I just shrug with a small smile and choose ignorance as bliss. Sometimes I acknowledge it has nothing to do with me anymore. I remind myself not to overthink it, because that becomes time-wasting. If it’s my responsibility, I’ll fix it, provided it can be fixed or reconciled. Sometimes neither is needed. And the only thing left is to return to myself, again.
For some people, focus means burying themselves in work. I tend to use that energy differently. I cook simple meals, spring-clean the house, or change small routines to bring some freshness back into my day. I even become a hermit for days, weeks, or longer. My friends and family know this about me. It is comforting, healing, calming, and safe when life isn’t going the way you prefer.
Intentional Solitude
The people who truly matter will understand. Those who don’t might take it personally. Let them. When you return, you won’t be the same. Focus changes you. It doesn’t always change the other person, though it may teach you where the boundaries should be. They might step on them again, but hopefully by then they realise: you can’t do this to me anymore.
This is a kind of protective solitude, no matter if it is chosen or intentional, that strengthens you. When you choose time alone because you want clarity, healing, or emotional regulation, it often leads to steadier confidence and a quieter mind1. The key is autonomy. When your alone time is yours by choice, not by fear, it doesn’t feel like loneliness at all2. It becomes grounding.
Knowing What and Who to Leave Behind
There are also gentler, reflective ways to use this focused period. You learn what is essential and what isn’t. Who nourishes you and who drains you. You’ll only discover this by spending time with yourself.
Focusing can be simple. Here are some ways, especially when it is not any easier, but you still have to handle:
Keep happy reminders nearby
Ornaments, souvenirs, books, your favourite pen, or photos that you can look at. This brings back happy memories and may bring a smile.
Breathe
Deep breathing helps calm your emotions, especially when people make you want to boil over.
Use mental substitution
Instead of watching or replaying someone’s petty behaviour, think of a neutral word or sound that’s calming (I would do auummmm). It can also be a lyric you can hymn and roll your eyes in your mind. Otherwise simply a smile and a nod that lets the person know you’re done engaging, without needing to say more.
Once you’re able to focus better, you’ll realise these draining people and situations will either fade away or lose their emotional weight. You stop feeling for them. You’re feeling for yourself. You’re clearer, kinder, less reactive. You stop wasting time and energy on their trivial behaviours. You are more aligned with what actually serves you.
You also grow more capable of accepting what you cannot control externally, while strengthening what you can control internally. You can stand up for yourself naturally. Not offensively, not passively, just honestly.
Eventually, without even noticing how it happened, these unpleasant dynamics lose their place in your world. They no longer hold the power they thought they once did.
So Let It Be
When you’re deeply engaged in what matters, disruptions simply don’t have the same effect. Higher levels of focus make us less susceptible to disruption because our attention becomes more steadfast3. Focus isn’t all about productivity. Focus protects your peace.
“Hermit mode” isn’t about building walls. It’s about creating safe spaces to recharge, heal and return to yourself. Clear boundaries promote resilience, reduce stress, and support emotional wellbeing. People who regularly enforce boundaries are significantly less likely to experience burnout.
Focus is simply choosing yourself again.
any thoughts to share? please leave a comment, like and subscribe ♡
Thi-Thanh Nguyen and Maria Rodriguez, “Deconstructing Solitude and Its Links to Well-Being,” Social and Personality Psychology Compass 18, no. 11 (2024).
Mathew Adams and Netta Weinstein, “Need Satisfaction in Daily Well-Being: Both Social and Solitude Contexts Contribute to Well-Being,” British Journal of Social Psychology 63, no. 4 (2024): 1986-2010.
Patrik Sörqvist and John E. Marsh, “How Concentration Shields Against Distraction,” Current Directions in Psychological Science 24, no. 4 (2015): 267-272.